Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Machine.

I guess I should have seen this coming a long way off. I should have expected nothing more of our relationship from the beginning.

I realized I've fucked it all up for myself. But you have just as much blame in the matter as I do. You ran away just as much as I did. You blocked me off, and iced over the same amount as me. Why should I feel like this is all my fault? I tried to understand you, to get into your head and understand what it was that you were feeling. I did my best to see where the hell you were coming from with the choices you had been making. But to you, I guess you never really saw that.

No, instead you continued to be the arrogant prick that you are, pretend that you hold me in a different light, but really think nothing more than me than any other common person in your life. Any other 'civilian', in your eyes. Makes me wonder how long you've actually thought that I am like that. How long you've actually just lied to me about what you saw; where you put me.

You act and talk like I don't give a shit about you. Yet I'm the one who is trying to see you. And even the times that you COULD see me, it was me who asked in the first place. So why did you never make that attempt? Did you even want to see me? Did it even cross your mind when you had free time that I might be available to see you? 

Probably not. You said that I started seeing other people and thats when you gave up on me. But.. I gave up on you when you told me you were engaged. So, I'm sorry that I didn't hold on and wait for you forever. Marriage to me means forever, I don't know what it means to you.

I thought I knew you. I thought we were closer. I thought you cared about me. I thought alot of things. I thought you actually trusted me, and thought of me as someone important in your life, someone you actually held in some regard of respect. But I was wrong in all those thoughts, I guess. 

Thats fine. If thats how you feel, and thats how you see me, I'm not going to waste my time any further. 
Fuck you.

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